I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
