why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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