Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
