After last night, I could never be a politician.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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