Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
