i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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