quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
