i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
