I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
