He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
