thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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