thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
