It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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