i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
