i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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