aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
