I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Don't make out with my wife yet
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
