i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize