My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
