I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
