I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
