Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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