I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Duck Duck Cougar?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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