If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
