Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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