You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
