Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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