the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
