and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize