Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my shit smells like andre
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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