We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
