he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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