if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize