dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
