His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
