he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
