I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
