Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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