I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize