Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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