I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
