You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
