i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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