My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
