I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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