Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.

Fav 24 2714 1030
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(410): View more from Maryland

9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.

Fav 23 4746 728
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(512): View more from Texas

why does the wii remote smell like your vag?

Fav 55 2400 9495
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(303): View more from Colorado

Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.

Fav 5 3667 1257
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(217): View more from Illinois

Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.

Fav 6 2344 1105
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(443): View more from Maryland

If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think

Fav 11 2227 1021
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.

Fav 11 2122 839
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(250): View more from British Columbia

was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?

Fav 0 102 168
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(616): View more from Michigan

Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.

Fav 0 32 17
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