There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
