when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
