Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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