1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
