who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
