My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
