Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
