are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
