Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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