Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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