Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
