The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
