Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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