i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
