where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
