I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need a burrito and a hug.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
