It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
