dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
