Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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