If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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