Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
