U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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