first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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