found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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