ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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