before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize