i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need moral support for this bender
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
