K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
