We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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