Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
