I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
