I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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