There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
