I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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