I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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