Please, let me fuck your mom
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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