just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
