is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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