Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
