He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
