awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
