I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
