if you like me you must not know who I am
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
