My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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