i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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