So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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