Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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