If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
