i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
