The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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