I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize