She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
