Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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