idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
