I just pynch a tree in the face
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is wine microwaveable?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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