I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
