Fuck appropriateness.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
