she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i've created a new STD.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
